It’s not so much time itself, but rather the quality of your bonding together that matters for people whose love language is Quality Time.
There are five love languages according to marriage counselor Gary Chapman who devised the categories after hearing common marriage highs and lows. He published it in 1992 in his book entitled, “The Five Love Languages.” These are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. The love languages tell you how you want to give and receive love the most. So how do you know if your love language is quality time? Below are some ways you can tell if it is.
How to Know if Your Love Language is Quality Time
- You get disappointed with canceled plans.
- You are a great listener.
- You prefer to do group activities rather than solo ones.
- You value spending time together compared to receiving and giving words, gifts, touch, or acts of service.
- You plan dates and make the most out of every minute together.
- You get hurt when you’re with someone who isn’t actively listening.
- You may be physically apart but you still make time for your family, friends, or significant other.
- You feel sad and lonely when you don’t spend time with people who you value and hold dear.
If you checked more than 5 above, there is no doubt that you feel the most loved when someone gives their undivided and focused attention to you. Some even argue that Quality Time should be called “Quality Attention.”
How to Spend More Quality Time with the Family
Picture this. You’re parents whose oldest kid is going to college, your middle kid is in middle school, and your youngest is just months away from graduating primary school. The kids are growing too fast and you ain’t growing any younger! Their concerns no longer revolve around the world you’ve created for them at home and they don’t even tell you anything anymore. Their friends know their secrets more than you and you just feel they’re drifting apart from you. While there’s nothing we can do to go back in time and be young again, what we can do is to maximize the present.
Here are ways you can spend uninterrupted time with the family even though you’re a busy, working parent:
- Set technology limits.
Make sure there are ground rules at home not to use electronics when eating, watching a movie together, or cleaning the rooms. There must be time within the day when the family is present.
- Do a family activity together.
Choose an age-appropriate outdoor activity such as a marathon that you can all prepare for together. Maybe you want to do a big painting together and hang it in the living area. Maybe you can also paint separately in your child’s playroom—she will be using her height adjustable ergonomic kid’s desk from Flexispot while you can use a riser so that the table could accommodate both you and your kids’ height.
- Do something at least once a day together.
Maybe it can be playing an instrument for half an hour, baking cookies, reading a bedtime book, etc.
- Eat meals together.
As much as possible, get everyone to sit at the dining table and eat together without electronics.
- Check in at least once a day how the day has been so far.
Allow your kid to talk and listen with your full attention.
- Walk your dogs together around the neighborhood.
It will teach your kids responsibility while also having fun with you and their favorite canine.
- Workout together.
While at home, you may exercise with your kids using home gym equipment. You may also go out for a run, bike together, swim together, etc.
- Play a board game.
Challenge your kids to Monopoly Deal, Scrabble, or Chess. Let’s see how you and them will fare. It will teach them how to strategize, take calculated risks while also jumping right in with bravery and courage.
Quality Time with The Partner
Often, the wife or the husband is neglected as soon as the household welcomes one kid and then another. The marriage becomes less of a priority with additional mouths to feed but make sure the fire will never die by still spending quality time together. Again, even though both of you are busy working parents, it’s not about the amount of time you spend together. It’s more of how you use what little of your time left in a day for it to count. Here are some tips.
- Practice active listening.
Listen not to react but listen to understand. Digest everything that the other one is saying and ask questions you’re interested to know or intrigued about. Don’t offer unsolicited advice.
- Establish eye contact.
The eyes must be on each other and not on anything else. This makes your partner feel heard, seen and valued.
- Drop the phone.
Whatever you’re looking at on your phone or who you’re chatting with can wait. This is your time together so make the most out of it.
- Schedule regular dates.
Never skip on a night of only the two of you together, even if it’s just twice a month. This is important to keep the romance alive.
If both of you are busy and are working overtime from home, take a break for a while and make use of your Flexispot height adjustable standing desk as your date table. Set aside the monitors and desk essentials for the time being and put your plates on the spacious Kana Bamboo Standing Desk. It can hold up to 275 pounds and can carry two plates, two wine glasses, and even a centerpiece perhaps.
- Try something new together.
Maybe you can pick up on a hobby for both of you to do like cycling or running before the kids wake up. Or decorating your bedroom together. Maybe you want to put up some floating shelves. Ask your partner to buy the spacious ones from Flexispot in Maple and Mahogany. Install them together in your room and display photo frames of your memories together and with the whole family.
What’s most important for someone with a love language of quality time is that you give them your full attention. Quality time among married couples lowers the risk of divorce, improves communication channels, reduces boredom, improves your friendship, boosts mental and physical health, and reduces cortisol levels. Quality time with the family helps build positive relationships between parent and kid, sibling to sibling, parent to parent. And even though it’s not your love language, you’ll all benefit from spending quality time together.